More Guy Issues

So on the guy front, my life has still been full of drama and male issues. I've still been searching for that one online with not much luck. The guy that I was dating for the last few months has been regularly checking my profile out which really confuses me??? I've also had a friend of my brother's contact me the other week wanting to hangout.

The back story on him is that he lived around the corner from my grandparents and hung out with my bro when he was like 12-15 years old and I was 10-13 years old. So like 15+ years ago we met. During one of the many times we; my bro, the guy, and one of my friends, hung out, he asked me if I wanted to see his penis. Wow I was like, "uhhh okay??" Come on I was a kid and definitely curious. It wasn't much to remember : ) sorry to say that, but you know. What I remember of him was that he was a tall chubby kid who's penis was the first, out of my families, to see.

Moving back to the present, he texted me out of the blue the other day and was all over it for 2 hours texting back and forth. He mentioned how he had a huge crush on me when we were kids, strange since we were sooo young, but whateve. So I'm not sure what I was expecting but I was okay with meeting him after the 2 hour plus texting parade between us. He showed up and my jaw dropped, it actually dropped. He was way, way, way, hotter then what I remember. He turned into a man, a good looking man. He was army buff and had a great smile. I wanted to kiss him that moment, but I held back. After a few minutes outside talking with him and a neighbor friend (a whole other story) we made it into my apartment. We sat on the couch and talked for a good while, sitting awkwardly close trying hard not to touch each other's legs against one another, and then he had a job to go to so he left. We continued to text back and forth, so I assumed he liked what we had going on. All I could think about was straddling him on the couch, taking his shirt off and making out with him for hours... He left his truck here so he was going to come back for it and hangout for a bit longer until I had to go to work. He did, nothing happened and I still couldn't get him out of my head. Come on, seriously he's not that great, but wtf he was stuck in my thoughts. I was lusting for him so bad. Now comes the drama, he was supposed to meet up with my and the fam for my sister-in-law's bday. Things came up and he couldn't. Then he was gonna hangout a couple of days later. Sorry, no luck, he blew me off. The next weekend I texted and asked him to go with me to my cousin's bday party, he said he was busy and he blew me off again, turned his phone off, and didn't call for a few days. He finally texted me after two days with a "gdmorning." Seriously, that's what you've got??? I texted him back an hour and a half later with morning. Nothing... until the next day I decided to "crazy-girl" text him with an "out." I really hate those girls who text those crazy things like, "I'm confused on what you want and I wish you would just tell me you're not interested... blah blah blah," and so on and so on... I really hate that he made me one of those girls, jerk. So I figured, over right?? No chance. That would have been too easy. He called me the next morning, not text, which was quite unusual. He ignored the text I sent and made excuses on blowing me off and "missing" my phone calls due to his phone "dying." Anyway, I just sat there and listened to his beautiful, strong, manly, country sounding voice. As I was lost in that, the conversation ended and I was left feeling that stupid yearning again. I'm so tired of feeling so much for this guy and him not feeling it back, or at least not letting me know if I even have a chance. In the words of Kat from 10 Things I Hate About You, "I hate the way you make me feel." So lets recap: I've only hung out with him one day, twice that one day, texted back and forth, maybe talked on the phone a few times, and nothing really past that. Yes, I'm still stuck on him and he's still stringing me along. A call here, a text there, and still nothing. What's wrong with me?? Why am I doing this to myself? I know it's me doing it to myself, I'm not that dense. If he would even show any REAL interest I would understand why I'm sooo hung up. But there's no good reason why I want this guy. I hate those guys that ignore girls and get away with it. The guy I was dating last month did that to me once and I dumped him. I wish I could do it to this guy but there's no dating going on. SERIOUSLY what is wrong with me?? Why am I sooo attached to someone I can't even hangout with because he keeps ignoring me and blowing me off. The biggest question that I have for myself is why am I letting this guy rule my world when it's already upside down with my income problems??? I hate having these silly issues when I can control the outcome by simply ending it, especially when nothing has began. Moving on is hard to do when there really isn't any moving to do.

Being Broke Sucks

I've tried so many ways to make a little extra cash. I'm selling things on craigslist, working my ass off at my jobs (two of them), looking for another full-time job, and trying to keep myself sane all at the same time. I'm finding it a little bit difficult, but I haven't given up yet, but I feel close. I know how improper that sentence is but whateve. I have so many overdue bills right now and have no other options available to me. Does anyone have any ideas???

Dating - Friends with no Benefits

So I began dating people from the net the last four months and I'm beginning to lean towards the "not so fun dating" experiences. I thought that I was picking decent guys but it's just not so.

The first guy seemed great; polite, caring, wanted to hangout, had a few issues though, but who doesn't. First of all he had a couple of stalker exes (should have gotten the hint then), but kept going back for more. Second he had a huge thing for boobs and wouldn't leave mine alone. Okay at first, but got a bit out of hand (no pun intended). As for looking like his pic, he basically did, minus his acne/rosecea (sp?) facial problem, which he chalked up to some lame shower, mold line. I know we all pic our best pics to put online so I kinda understood it. He was still okay though. I'm one of the last people to ditch because of looks. I have birthmark on the left side of my body and can get self-conscious with the best of them. He also had an addiction to WOW (World Of Warcraft), and any free time he was spending it playing that and ignoring me. Which was okay, I don't want a 24 hour addiction to me. I like it when guys have other things to fill their live up with. As the days passed and a month away at camp went by and we were still doing good I began letting my guards down and opening my heart and mind up to ideas and thoughts of getting closer to him. I began to let myself enjoy the dating experience. He took me to movies, dinner, and hung out with my parents. Everything was going okay, right? Or did I speak to quickly. I tried calling him one day, no answer. I tried the next day, still no answer. Stuff kept going around and around in my head and I felt like a stalker checking online to see if he was there. I was being so dorky. So I took the stalker in me to the next level and went to his house to see what was up?? In is driveway was another vehicle, that was not his. My first thought was, I've never parked in his driveway, always in front of his house, that sucks. Then I moved on to thinking how he was messing around on me. Well we weren't in an exclusive relationship, heck I had been checking online for something more. I just didn't understand why he didn't just come out and tell me, what a pu**y. I then text him telling him I was doing a drive by to make sure everything was okay, so if he saw me he didn't think I was another stupid stalker. He called me the next day and I asked him if it was over, point blank. He said "no, he had been sick" and then I asked if he had got my message about driving by, he said "yes and that I was weird." I asked him "who he had over." He told me "it was his college friend and she spent the night." Well what's weird about this "college friend" is the last time we talked about her and him hanging out when we first started dating I asked where she was visiting from he told me she stilled lived here and that they were just hanging out. Lies. So I started dating others more and more. One night I was going out he called and wanted to go for ice cream and I blew him off for someone else. This is when I knew it was over for me. My best friend gave me some eye-opening advice about the lack of communication on ending the relationship. She seems to think the reason he had the stalkers from before is that he has never broke up with any of them, he just left them hanging??? Sounds like it makes sense. Moving on though, first guy, nice enough until we realized that we weren't into each other that much.

Okay next, I began looking at another dating site. Yes it was during the end of dating the first guy. The next guy's profile seemed nice enough until after we started talking online he changed his profile from "searching to date" to "looking for friends." Before you start thinking other thoughts, I'm sooo okay with friends but that's not what was said to me in the beginning. Anyway the point is he comes back in one email saying he's married, has 2 kids, and wife sex problems. "COME ON, are you kidding??" Was my initial reaction. Let me remind you though I'm okay with becoming friends though, even in the weird ways it can come about. Until one email conversation led to him wanting to meet and hangout at a Best Buy (random, I know) near his house. A little sketchy, I agreed and then he proceeded to ask if I would be okay if something happened??? what was he talking about, what happened to friends, and what about is wife and kids? I told him nothing would happen and that I'm not a home-wrecker. He responded with "I get that" and no further contact since, nice right?

The third guy had a great profile, fun and seemed like he was everything I might be looking for. Sure of himself, not that cocky, and wanted to get to know me. (PS still actually dating the first guy during this). He wanted to call and talk to me, which I'm okay with, not much you can get from typing. So I talk to him and he asks me relevant questions, sincerely. He also had a wonderful sarcasm about him that made me want to get to know him. Gotta love the funny guy : ) Any who's, one night he wanted to come over for dinner and a movie, good right? Kinda dangerous but I can take care of myself. He came over we talked, he wanted to kiss, I pushed away, but eventually gave in with a peck or two. He told me he was a great kisser, liar. When he got the hint I wasn't going to "hook-up" he began the strangest story line ever. He said he was in a motorcycle accident and that he had no feeling in his bum, penis, and spine. Ummm, OK?? Then he pulled out a tube from his backpack and said when he needed to pee he had to shove this long, and I mean long, tube up his pee pee hole. Ughhh, gross, this is definitely one of the top 10 things not to say/show on a first date : ) He went into the bathroom with the tube, was in for like 3 mins came out said he was going to have to leave because he didn't have surgical gloves to insert the thing. He then went into how he was going to run to 7-eleven and get some, as well as some change to pay for half of the pizza, okay?? I even asked to go with him as he pulled the front door shut behind him and in my face. Guess not : ) Needless to say he never came back, I got stiffed with buying a very expensive large pizza with no coupon, and a story to tell my kids one day :)

The Fourth, great profile again!!! He looked hot, yes looks, so I was very interested when he contacted me. Guess this guy is a big reason looks aren't everything. We met the second or third night we talked, moving up the meetings to hope for better results (PS stopped talking to first guy at this point). He constantly reassured me he wasn't looking for a hook-up, hmmm I'm weary but whateve. He seemed to have same morals and upbringing as I did; one sibling, parents still married, job, car, ability to stay up late and get up early when needed, and strife to be better in his career. Things were too good to be true, right? (PS okay kisser too, but a bit tongue happy). He proceeded to call the next day and night. The night phone calls brought me back to high school, all he wanted to do is talk dirty and have phone... well you know where I'm going, if not don't worry about it then :) It was not really what I was looking for but I was keeping my mind open, because maybe he did really like me. I then took the next step and invited him to a bar with a few friends, just to hangout, right? He led me on a bit then turned me down with "I don't feel good." I told myself not to look too much into it but why the f not?? Why didn't he want to come chill? I tried to convince myself not to go to his house and hangout, but I'm apparently weak and thought... well not sure what I thought. So I pulled up to his house and he wasn't there?? I called him and he said he was at a coffee shop??? wtf. Thought he wasn't feeling good. I told him I was leaving in 5 if he wasn't here. He then came back with "nooo, please wait I'm right around the corner" as min 3 rolled by. He showed, I came in sat down as he smoked?? what he told me he only smoked with a beer and he doesn't drink that much. The worse came about when he asked if it was okay if he smoked weed. Okay now it was getting really ridiculous, I know he told me he wasn't a druggie, and those of you that don't know; pot is illegal and that makes it a drug stupid. So he smoked his pot, from a bag, strange?? and I sat on the couch. Once finished he sat next to me and I said "you want to watch some TV?" He said "no lets just talk." "Okay, about what?" He goes in for a, tongue all out, kiss. Wow what happened to talk?? It gets friskier here, but I choose not to go into it, just know we did not do the deed. At almost 4am he makes some soup, way too hot and spicy, I can't even eat one bite without dying. I ask him to sit next to me, he says "no I like eating over here" (at his computer). Okay?? He then cleans the kitchen, does some laundry and acts weird and panicky. Almost 5 now and he asks me if I'm okay to leave because he's not used to people staying over?? I forgot to mention that during our late night talks he always mentioned that he wanted me to stay over so we can cuddle. Apparently that's only in his imagination. So I leave exhausted and a bit weirded out with his request for me to leave. Not really expecting a call from him, I get one the next night, late, and he asks if I want to talk. I say no this time. I was actually busy and doing something, but I wouldn't have talked to him anyway. I knew what he wanted and why he was calling sooo late, I'm not stupid. Talking dirty on the phone doesn't really do it for me so I'm gonna pass. I'm all for helping others but come on do something for me, take me on a date, go somewhere with me, something. That's basically the end of that one.

I'm really beginning to get frustrated with meeting all the wrongs before I can get my right. I'm thinking it's time I gave up the Internet dating and figured something else out. Any thoughts??